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GenerativeNLP Newsletter Issue 2
Real life dilemmas. Solved.
Dilemma 2: "I don't know what I want."
Which of these apply to you..
If so, then it's highly likely that you're suffering from a common condition known as "I don't know what I want". In this months newsletter we will be presenting you with the common cure for establishing what you want, why that common cure hardly ever works, and an alternative method that could lead to some life changing events.
The common cure
The common cure prescribed for this condition is to engage in some process of goal setting. A typical framework for goal setting is to answer ques(t)ions such as "What do I want to achieve?", "Where am I n(o)w?" and "What do I need to do to get there?". Then it's common (especially within organizations) to draw up a SMART action plan which lays out the What, Why, How, When, Who, Where.
Why the common cure hardly ever works
The fate of this carefully crafted document, and whether what's in it ever progresses from words on paper to actual results, depends to some extent or other on:
For many people, the answers to the above ques(t)ions are "no", which is why the traditional goal setting and action planning method described above, regularly falls flat on its face.
Something else is needed. Something that's simple, quick, and will work for everyone, no matter what.
Figuring out what you want using the methodology of the MythoSelf Process
The question "What do I want?" is really best thought about as three separate ques(t)ions. The three ques(t)ions are:
1. Who do I want to be becoming?
2. How do I want to be/feel within myself as I move through my life?
3. From this position (i.e. the answer to question two above), what
Step 1) "Who I do want to be becoming?"
Mythologist Joseph Campbell is known for saying that every person is born with the potential to become human. This suggests that the experience of life gives us the opp(o)rtunity to evolve, develop and grow into human beings.
The definition that we're using of what it means to be human, is one of being able to move through life with the connection to 'that which is greater than self' ever present, and, in some way or another, having brought to rest the search for "who am I" and "what's my purpose".
Knowing then that you are on a journey, and that you are constantly evolving, developing and growing, who do you want to be becoming?
Tip: To help you answer this question, think about how you would like to be remembered by your children, or by others who knew you....What legacy do you want to leave behind you...?
Step 2) "How do I want to be/feel within myself as I move through my life?".
Answers to this question could be things like: "At peace", "Relaxed", "My Self". There is no right answer, but so that we can talk about it, and know what we're referring to, let's refer to it as "at your best".
So the answer to the question "How do I want to be/feel within myself as I move through my life?" is "I want to be at my best" (however that manifests itself for you).
Tip: In mytho speak, when a person has organized themselves on the inside to be at their best, we call this being 'structurally well formed'. The exercises of the MythoSelf Process are specifically designed to bring to a person's awareness what it is they uniquely and specifically do with, and in, their body, when they are at their best.
Step 3) "From this position, where I am at my best, what do I want to be doing?"
Now here's the bit that ties the three questions together, and we shall present them as:
The Two Commandments!
1. Thou shalt make sure that I will only do things that will allow me to remain at my best.
2. Thou shalt make sure that I also only do things that will move me toward who it is I want to be becoming.
Step 4) Think moment by moment
Your days and your entire life time, is made up of moments. From the moment you wake up, until the moment you go back to bed.
In many of these moments, you will find that decisions have to be made. Decisions like "Shall I do this?", "Shall I do that?".
In order to decide, it requires first knowing what it is you want, but if you've read this far, CONGRATULATIONS, because now you do know what you want!
(Reminder :-)) You want to be at your best, and only do things that will a) enable you to sustain being at your best, and b) move you toward who it is you want to be becoming).