How To Let Go And Move On Quickly
13 December 2007 | Admin
It would be easy for me to begin this months real life dilemma with an in depth and lengthy exploration into why it hasn't been so easy (for me .. and perhaps for you) to quickly let go and move on when civilized communication has turned into a war.
But I won't start there because that's not the way we do things if we're practising what we've learnt about the MythoSelf Process.
Plus it would be doing the very thing that actually causes what we want to avoid - i.e. going over what's already happened, processessing, festering, justifying and ultimately dragging things out is not conducive to letting go and moving on quickly.
Instead I'm going to be entirely solution focused and future oriented by getting right down to offering tips and techniques to help you with letting go and moving on quickly.
The Tipping Point
There'll be a point in the dialogue between you and the other person that I'll refer to as the tipping point. It's the point at which things could go either way. It's the choice point between peace and war and the trick is to recognize when that tipping point is present and to intentionally choose peace.
The key word above is "choice". The tipping point is a choice point, and you are 100% responsible for making that choice.
If the other person says something to you that you believe to be wrong, you get to choose how you respond and which way it goes.
If the other person says something to you that you find hurtful, you get to choose how you respond and which way it goes.
If the other person is going on and on, you get to choose how you respond and which way it goes.
The bottom dollar is that what ever has led up to where you are now, and how ever you feel about it, what happens next is down to you.
With this understanding in place, here are some tips and techniuqes that I've found useful.
1. Look at the bigger picture
It's possible to maintain peace by holding in mind that ultimately you want a peaceful relationship with the other person. Remember all the reasons why you are having a relationship with them. Does what ever has been said really matter in the big scheme of things?
Also keep in mind that challenges like these are part of life. It's only the movies that will have you believe that relationships can be like sweet smelling roses every day. Be OK about dispute / disagreement (what ever you want to call it) and don't make it a relationship breaker each time!
2. Be alert to when the tipping point has been reached ...
or better still; be alert to the possibility of reaching it, before you actually reach it. What warning signals can you notice?
3. Choose peace and respond accordingly
Ideas for peaceful responses
To get in the mood for considering peaceful responses, here are some quotes I found when I Googled "Humility" (http://www.quotegarden.com/humility.html)
Wear your learning like your watch, in a private pocket; and do not pull it out, and strike it, merely to show that you have one. ~Lord Chesterfield
It is always the secure who are humble. ~Gilbert Keith Chesterton
Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. ~Frank Leahy, Look, 10 January 1955
An idea for responding peacefully is to use distraction to take the conversation somewhere else. Making an observation about something, singing a song or making a joke are all ways to distract.
(I was once in a situation where my husband took one of his socks off and wore it on his hand like a puppet and continued the conversation like that. It was very difficult for ‘war' to take place!)
Another option is to use softeners in your response. This makes it tricky to latch onto anything that could be used as ammunition. Words and phrases like, "perhaps", "possibly" and "How about if ..." are helpful.
Another peaceful response can be to simply walk away. Creating some distance works wonders, and if you're followed, go somewhere where you can't be.
4. What has to be true of you, for you to find letting go and moving on quickly so difficult?
This final tip is a self-reflection exercise. If letting go and moving on is a challenge, what do you need to change about your beliefs and behaviour so that this is no longer the case?
Keep asking yourself "What has to be true of me, for me to find letting go and moving on quickly so difficult? until you've got to the core of what's going on for you.
The Mythogenic Self Experience is a 2-day immersion into the MythoSelf Process as developed by its creator, Joseph Riggio Ph.D . In it you will be guided through exercises that will teach you how to make better choices in your life, especially at those "tipping point" moments where things could go either way.
Find out more about The Mythogenic Self Experience.